Greetings! 
I’m finally done with my final exams, which is my final paper for my degree in University of Melbourne; and heck it feels awesome. No words can explain how much pressure I’ve put myself under over the last three months; especially when I slacked a little during the break up, and I needed to work three times as hard to get things back into shape. You have no idea. Whenever I feel unhappy or incredibly happy about something; I would just shut it off and not let it take my mind off my work; because I know that my parents didn’t pay that much money to let me go through a heartache but I’m here to study, so I guess that worked.
Have you ever thought about how every bad situation in our lives all happened for a reason; and if you take a step back to observe carefully, something good always come out of it. Well I have a confession to make. Something I’ve been wanting to spill for a very long while but I just couldn’t have it out till I’m finally done with exams. Turns out the break up didn’t leave me heartbroken or upset, I was angry for a long while because it happened; and I let it get to me, it did affect my studies for a bit. I didn’t wanna share it because I know my friends & family are still fuming over what happened, but truthfully speaking; I’m only angry at myself.
Dinner last night.
You’ll come to realize one day that you can forgive everyone or anyone, but the toughest thing to do is to forgive yourself. It sucks when its in my nature to put the blame on myself (trust me its becoming a weakness), and I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. What happened to me while growing up kinda gave everyone in my life a token to make mistakes; because its true that everyone makes mistakes. Only difference is, if you’ve learned from it; and not repeat them. You only get one shot to my forgiveness, I can take any shit; but I can’t take it twice.
Been calling this a meal for a week, I love vegetables so much its not funny. 
Sometimes I think I’m just way too positive for my own good, and people don’t get how I can see pass everybody’s weaknesses and see the good side of it. Believe me, I question myself that as well. Anyway, back to the situation; I’ve been angry at myself for letting myself down and letting relationship matters get to me; but I had a good fight, fought to get myself back. I knew exactly what to do, and I can say that I’ve not stopped working since my birthday. Thats a good seventy days streak, and everything else has just been on hold. And through that period of self inflicted anger, I think I grew up and got to know myself a little better. I knew exactly what I wanted to be, and what I didn’t want. First step to changing, is to realize; and I know its human nature to cast the blame upon someone else, but by doing that you’re just giving yourself another token to escape from reality.
The pressure was intense, I went through every single day of studying; with thoughts running in my head that I must not let my parents down. There was guilt, anger, and I was unhappy because I could have done so much better; but hey I think I’ll be just fine. I’ve never worked so hard ever in my life, and I was down with fever two days ago; it lasted till last night, the headaches was so bad. 
I’m just glad that the battle is over, and now I feel complete. I know I’ve done my best. Dad called me up the night before, he was obviously worried cause (like I said I’ve never studied this hard LOL) and he knew I was sick; so he said this to me. “Just FAIL the exam, we’ll take the trip to your graduation as a nice holiday and don’t worry about it.”
I think instead of making me feel better, I felt even more horrible. Dad, I appreciate the thought; but.
This was insane.
Leon has been babysitting me over the last one week, although his exams were over; and seriously I have an amazing boyfriend. Despite it all, he’s the only one who’s treated me so well and when I mean well; I mean crazy omgthissortofguyhaslongdisappearedwiththedinasours sort of boyfriend. I’m not even exaggerating. I can’t explain how it feels exactly, but I know I’m known for having very high expectations and hard to please (REALLY?), and Leon didn’t even have to break a sweat trying. I mean as much as I would love to not admit it, he’s quite a dream guy; a boyfriend who cooks for you not to gain extra boyfriend points but he said he’ll do it everyday within a heartbeat. And he does, although he could barely fry an egg at the start. I love that he’s trying to be better, and he calls himself a masterchef now. 
I made his life a little tougher when I said, no carbs.
The thing that works for us is, we’re very similar people on the inside. Our common grounds and beliefs are completely the same, but we only realize that after the breakup. So in a way, instead of trying to hard to understand a situation; it became too easy because I would have done the same thing. Lets just put it this way, if we ever complain about one another; we’re complaining about ourselves as well. I honestly believe that he might be my soul mate; at least he thinks I am, because we get along so well and we’ve so much in common. Its like hanging out with your best friend. Its obviously different though, when you’re in love with your best friend. Nothing ever seems enough, and you look forward to everyday.
Its not about being in a committed relationship just because its something that people do when they get serious; sometimes its not hard at all. If you find your Mr/Ms Right; you’ll know it even if you try to push it away. They will make your future, and soon you’ll realize that the Mr/Ms Wrong’s you’ve dated in the past were all necessary mistakes in order to shape you into this version of yourself. You know he loves you when he’s never left your side. I kinda see it now that although we broke up at that point, he’s never failed to see me and at that point it was all a blur; but now its crystal clear. At least we’ve both grown up. Just a little sorry to all the people who’ve been dragged into our relationship problems; well at least now I know what we want.
On a lighter note:
- I’ve just gotten a crazy scoopon deal to get my hair done, yes back to being a red head before my graduation.
- We’re making a new music cover later on today, so lots of singing and I’m excited.
- Grocery shopping to cook dinner tonight for his family, Leon has a lot to prove.
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- Need to get my portfolio done and uni application for Post Graduate(Masters) this weekend.
- Gonna have to look for a new place, moving out; currently considering moving into QV. Fingers crossed.
- I have so much stuff to pack, god knows how am I gonna move it and where to move it to.
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- So excited for aerochute, probably gonna try to do it next week!
Most importantly, hit the gym. Alright guys, story you another time. I miss my dog.
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